Experience introverted love differently

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In addition to their job, a partnership is the most important part of their life for most people. Research shows that lasting, happy love affairs is actually one of the most important, if not the most important, keys to life satisfaction. Most of us instinctively seem to know this, which is why - apart from a few very solitary exceptions - most singles sooner or later (again) look for a (new) partner. Introverts, however, often hesitate longer than extroverts, on the one hand because they get along better with being alone and for this reason often value the advantages of being single more highly than this, on the other hand because it is more difficult for them to approach other people - and this is of course the absolute requirement when looking for a new partner!

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Dating for introverts

Many introverts find it extremely difficult to start looking for a partner after a phase of being alone. Sometimes this is really not necessary - if you are lucky, there will be a nice friend or colleague in your life who will drag you to an event and introduce you to someone who might be in question. Of course, this can only work if the introvert's (usually few) friends and acquaintances even know that the introvert is not averse to looking for a partner or at least a new relationship! And that, in turn, is anything but a matter of course for introverts.

While extroverts carry their hearts most of the time anyway and the whole world is therefore well informed about their current state of mind, introverts lock their thoughts and feelings so deeply most of the time that even good friends often do not even notice them Idea come up, they might be ready for a new relationship (again). The first important piece of advice to you as an introvert when looking for a partner is therefore: when you are ready and can at least imagine getting involved (again) in a relationship, then talk about it too! With this you give the people around you an opportunity to help you with this. (Don't worry, they won't roll over you every day with droves of potential applicants and drag you from one pub to the next! But if you don't give happiness a chance, don't be surprised if it doesn't.)

The second, more indirect, way to find a partner, which is often ideal for introverts, is through common activities and interests. If you meet regularly with people with whom you have a common interest in a particular cause from the outset, making contact is of course much easier. You automatically have a common topic of conversation and at least in one point you are on the same wavelength. In addition, the situation as such is completely harmless and gradually getting to know each other better through regular, relaxed get-togethers is particularly easy. Perfect conditions! Therefore, if you want a new partner, prescribe yourself at least once a week (more often, of course, but I don't want to overwork you!) An undertaking that fulfills these requirements. Register for a course that interests you, attend an event on a topic that excites you, volunteer for a project that is important to you. The possibilities are really diverse. And the chance to make at least a few nice new contacts there or even meet great love is extremely good!

If the indirect way doesn't work or if you are at a point in your life where you no longer want to leave things to chance, then you can too Online dating For you as an introvert it is a really good path to a new partnership. Contrary to many prejudices that are still circulating, online dating sites these days are neither the basin for frustrated wallflowers who cannot find anyone in any other way, nor a playground for psychopaths with sinister intentions. Sure, both types appear in online dating sites, but not more often than in real life. And where could you get to such a large selection of people who are also willing to commit faster and more comfortably than here?

It is quite possible that as an introvert you find it easier to approach other people online than in real life. The social networks on the Internet are full of actually introverts who - the safe screen between themselves and the other person - can give themselves a lot more sociable in virtual space than in normal, interpersonal everyday life. If that's the case with you, then you can do just fine too Personals Offers on the Internet (e.g. http://www.datingcafe.de, http://www.icony.de). Here, after registering, you create your own profile with information about yourself and one (or more) photos and then start flirting on your own - i. H. you can search and contact all other users as you wish and, conversely, be contacted by them. That is the rather inexpensive alternative.

If, however, you know from experience (or perhaps you find out during the search process) that you do not really like actively approaching others virtually, then you should probably better go to one of the big ones Online dating agencies access (e.g. http://www.elitepartner.de, http://www.parship.de or http://www.edarling.de). Admittedly, they charge higher membership fees, but you will also receive much more support and support during the contacting process than with the personals. After completing a questionnaire, a psychological profile is created of you, which in turn is compared (matched) with the information provided by the other partner seekers. On this basis, you will receive a number of partner suggestions and the opportunity to get in touch with these members (and vice versa). So you are less left to yourself and get some of the work from the provider.

Serious providers of both types offer the option of a trial membership. So you can take your time to test whether you can imagine this way of finding a partner for yourself. And if you would like to read more tips and information on the subject of online dating, then take a look at the Saferdating website (http://www.saferdating.de).

Introvert loves extrovert - can that go well?

“At any party you meet two types of people - those who would like to go home and those who would like to stay. The problem is that the two are usually married to each other. "(Ann Landers)

The quote from Ann Landers describes a situation that is based on the truth of the popular saying: "Opposites attract!" It is extremely common to meet couples in which one of the partners is extroverted, but the other is introverted. The chatterbox and the great silent man, the party animal and the still water at his side. Last but not least, it is often the otherness of the partner that has provided these couples with the initial mutual fascination: “How exciting - you are very different from me! You embody the sides that come up short with myself, of which I myself might like to have more, that bring a new element into my life! I'm thrilled! ”And indeed, a lot of good can grow out of such a contradiction if the partners know how to deal with it. You can open up new worlds for each other, complement and expand the perspective of the other and maybe even discover and cultivate completely new facets in yourself. At the side of the still water, the party animal may suddenly discover how nice a cozy evening for two in front of the fireplace can be and how much he otherwise appreciates a deep conversation after all the small talk. The still water, on the other hand, dares to venture out by his side, perhaps more often among people and now and then in the center of the action and notices with surprise that she even enjoys it in certain doses. Wonderful as long as it works like this!

Unfortunately, the opposition of extro / intro couples in everyday life after a while also creates a lot of friction due to the different behaviors and needs. After a while, the extrovert finds it frustrating that he has to laboriously persuade his introverted partner to undertake any social venture. The introvert is exhausted from having to put himself in situations much more often and for longer, for the sake of his extroverted partner, which he himself perceives as overstimulating and stressful. The extrovert is increasingly wondering whether he should buy an oyster knife in order to crack his introverted partner with it and get him to open up to him more often and to withdraw into himself less often. The introvert, on the other hand, occasionally feels like a hunted game in the face of the extrovert's tireless efforts to keep in touch and chat about anything and everything every waking minute.

It is extremely important for such couples to understand their opposites on this personality dimension and - above all! - not to understand this as an unwillingness or an affront of the other towards oneself. Extra- and intraversion can already be detected in newborns, so one can justifiably assume that this is an innate trait for which one can just as little as for the color of his eyes or hair, and only that is changeable to a certain extent. Of course, we are reasonably gifted, adaptive people and not mindless playballs of our genetic predisposition.

Even an introvert can, if necessary, learn to give a speech in front of a larger group of people without fainting, just as an extrovert is perfectly capable of holding his mouth shut and listening. Often it is not a bad idea at all if you polish up those aspects of yourself that are not naturally so pronounced and pay more attention to them than what you already care about. Nevertheless, it must be honestly stated that there are certain limits to these change efforts. An intro may learn to be the center of attention under certain circumstances if it makes sense to him - but it will never make him feel as comfortable as an extrovert. And an extro can also practice enjoying being alone every now and then or just playing the listener for a whole evening - but these things will always strain him to a certain extent because they are against his nature.

How to make life easier for your extroverted partner as an introvert

Don't feel pressured by your extro's constant need for communication. Extros just like to talk, often that's just their way of thinking out loud. Probably hard to imagine for you, for whom you ponder your words so carefully and for a long time! In many cases it is sufficient if you let your extro do the talking and occasionally send out signals of interest: keep eye contact, nod, smile, "mhm" or "aha". If an answer is actually expected from you, but you still want to think about it, then it is best not to just be silent, but say something like: “Good question - can I think about it for a moment?” Then your partner knows that he has time should give and feels less irritated by the break in the flow of conversation. If you just don't say anything, your extroverted partner may think that you don't feel like answering, that you are disinterested, upset, or your thoughts are completely different. This is a typical misinterpretation that comes from the fact that he deduces yours from his own behavior. If extros like him are silent, then one can actually assume with some justification that there is some problem!

Talk to your extroverted partner again in a quiet minute and explain how important times of retreat and solitude are for you. Emphasize that this is nothing that is directed against him - for an extro it would be the other way around! If an extrovert withdraws from someone, it is because he is angry at them, does not care about them, or wants to punish the person with disapproval. This is why this faulty transmission often happens here too - the extro assumes that it is the same with you and then feels threatened or offended by your withdrawal. In extreme cases, he even fears that the relationship will continue. It is important that you take this fear away from him, then he can give you your freedom better.

Negotiate a contingent of social contacts that you can just bear and that you can maintain together. In addition, encourage your extro to engage in further contacts and activities, while you then use the time to recharge your batteries without guilty conscience. When he comes back, take an interest in what he's done and let him talk to your heart's content. Be happy with him when he has experienced beautiful things! Do not mistakenly interpret his enterprising spirit and urge to get into the outside world as a lack of desire for intimacy with you. One thing in no way excludes the other! It's just that, in total, he needs more people in his life than you do to feel happy.

Do not lose sight of both of what originally attracted and fascinated you and why! Your different characters can be a source of mutual enrichment and inspiration if you allow it. Cultivate and appreciate your otherness instead of fighting and hating it at some point. In your relationship there will always be more tension than in one between two similarly positioned partners, but this is precisely what ensures vitality and further development for you! You just have to be able to treat each other with respect and tolerance and to be constantly in touch about this point in your relationship. Then your love can work wonderfully in the long run!

Introvert loves introvert - the best of all options?

If you have read the above section on the classic communication problems between extroverted and introverted partners, you might come to the conclusion that the simplest solution for introverts would be to find a partner who is also introverted. In one fell swoop, all the arguments about leisure activities and friends would be off the table. Sounds ideal right?

Well, yes and no. On the one hand, we at iPersonic definitely recommend looking for a partner who is as similar as possible to you in essential respects, and for good reason. Not only does the vernacular know that people like to join people straight away, pair research also suggests that similar partners usually lead happier and more stable relationships in the long run than opposing couples. Indeed, there are many introverts to be found living very happily with another introvert. On the other hand, you can't always choose who to fall in love with - and the attraction of opposites cannot be denied. In addition, intro / intro couples also have to struggle with typical problems that are sometimes not entirely harmless.

The advantages of an intro / intro relationship are obvious: one partner instinctively senses when the other needs peace and quiet and respects it without asking questions or reacting offended. The wishes of both partners with regard to leisure activities and social contacts are largely similar; Lengthy discussions about whether and how long one should go to which party now are superfluous. Beyond superficial chatter, in the silent understanding that connects both partners, but also in calm, meaningful conversations about God and the world, an intimate bond grows between them, which is often unsurpassed in quality and depth.

The main disadvantage of an intro / intro relationship, on the other hand, is less obvious, but should not be underestimated: Two introverts in a partnership tend more than couples in other constellations to curl up in a "us both against the rest of the world" attitude and to revolve around yourself and your relationship. They enjoy the intimacy with each other to the full and like to stylize their relationship as the safe haven to which they escape and withdraw in every free minute. In the long run, however, they often lose valuable external impulses that every individual and every relationship needs in order to develop and grow.

As the saying so aptly states: “A ship in port is safe. But that's not what ships are built for. ”The result of this sometimes exaggerated cocooning of two introverts can then be personal and shared stagnation - and at some point even boredom and weariness. Anyone who always depends on each other and hardly does anything without each other or with others will at some point become uninteresting for the partner. The tension necessary for a living relationship is lost, the eroticism dies. Too much intimacy can ruin a relationship just as reliably as too little.

This process is creeping - in the beginning it is just so wonderful to withdraw from everything together and immerse yourself in the common little world (inside and outside), and later rituals and habits simply solidify and no longer allow outside opening. That is why many intro / intro couples miss the moment when it would have been important and good to have more outside activity and contact again. Or a partner registers it, but doesn't dare to speak to the other about it, out of concern that the other might perceive it as a breach of loyalty. Because introverts value intimacy and togetherness so highly, a partner's desire for more external opening can of course easily be misunderstood as an attack on this precious commodity. Therefore, if you live in an intro / intro relationship, always keep an eye on the balance between intimacy and openness and seek an honest conversation about it with your partner in good time. Don't worry - you two will always have more than enough time and space for closeness and familiarity!

Do you want to know more?

Then take our free personality test. Doesn't take 5 minutes! You will immediately receive a well-founded personality profile. Tailor-made advice on topics such as work and partnership are available for every personality type. You can download this guide to your computer immediately. Start the test!

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Tags: introvert, partnership, online dating, dating, couple problems