How do you want to live


Even if we usually don't really have that on our radar in the daily grind: Death is part of life like butter on bread.

When we are born, we begin to die.
Every day, every hour, every minute, every second brings us closer to our death.

Few of us are aware of this on a regular basis.
Usually because death and dying are such a difficult subject. Because we all still have a lot of time until the time comes.
Because it's just ... yuck. A topic that “you” don't like to talk about. That "here" doesn't belong.

A few years ago I read about someone who does it very differently.

In his book "Tools of the Titans", Timothy Ferris described an interviewee who had a so-called "lifetime clock" installed on his PC.

This counts down the remaining life time based on the assumed average life expectancy of a man. The man said that this watch helps him to keep track of the essentials in his life and not to waste time unnecessarily.

I found that pretty weird, but also extremely fascinating! Others, whom I told about it, were disgusted: “For God's sake, all the time with death in front of their eyes, that's terrible!” It said.

I didn't find that so terrible, on the contrary, it was a good idea to always have life in front of your eyes and to focus on how to "use" it as successfully as possible according to your personal interpretation.

Yes, yes, "benefit" ... effective and efficient and so, that is the language that is understood and spoken in everyday working life. The higher in the hierarchy, the higher the internal and external demands on effectiveness, efficiency and perfection, and the higher the internal mental neglect.

It's not much different in private. The existing "quality time" should be used as sensibly as possible, with things, topics and people who "advance" or who simply belong to the state of the art in the respective status league.

A maximally efficient feeding of a shell of us that is lived. Life plays or just survives.

Strictly speaking, not a shell, but a fortress.
That dutifully shields us from everything that is disruptive.
In front of others and especially in front of ourselves.

Have a conversation with yourself?

When I look around in some parts of the business world, I often get the impression that the undead are on their way. Shades of themselves, always tough, fast, efficient. Zombies in highly responsible positions.

So distant and cynical that it tears the heart of those who (still) feel it.

So exhausted, mechanical and blown by the wind that it brings tears to the eyes who can (still) empathize.

So apparently flawless, perfect and Teflon-like that those who (still) feel their feelings feel weird, even wrong.

So on autopilot that it hurts those who try to live consciously every day.

When we start to work, i.e. when the first defenses are cracked, dams break in some of my clients ... And a great sadness and helplessness flows out of them. Inner emptiness becomes apparent and a great regret about being an "emotional cripple". (Original sound)

Not knowing who you are without a fortress, performance, perfection.
Not knowing what the real values ​​and needs are.

Or to discover that they have been betrayed and sold in an effort to belong. Got lost in the treadmill of obligations, expectations, demands.

Becoming aware of this can hurt.
But it is a start.
A beginning to recognize that for all of us it is about BEING and not about DOING.

Who / how are we really?
How is / was our life?
What are we without our roles, positions, functions, fortresses, attributes, services?
Who are we if we don't do anything but “just” are?
What remains of us when we (can no longer) do anything, but “just” are?

It's not about cramming your life every day to be able to say at some point: I've used my life!

Rather, it is about consciously LIVING every day.
To be aware of yourself.
To be aware of your own finitude and to accept it.
To be aware of your own values, wishes, goals, desires and needs AND to stand up for them.

To live NOW, to feel, to feel.
To experience yourself.

To take the messages of the gut seriously and not let the efficient thinking mind chop them up. Not stuck in the past, but neither in the illusion of the future.

So that not only at the end of earthly life - of which we all don't know when that will be - it can be said: I have lived (myself)!

For me this is the expression of the highest integrity and dignity towards oneself.

If we can accept ourselves in this way and lead through life, only then can we lead our entrusted people successfully.

If you want to learn to lead yourself and others with dignity, feel free to contact me.



© Manuela Dobrileit / brain open - Academy for dignified leadership, 2019