Why are homo sapiens so weird

Stanislaw Przybyszewski
Homo sapiens
Stanislaw Przybyszewski

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IX.

They stopped at the front door.

Falk opened it. It was so hard to find the keyhole.

At last!

She stepped into the hallway. He followed her. They stopped again.

What did he want?

- Good night, Falk.

He held her hand and his voice trembled.

- I feel as if we have to say a more cordial farewell to each other.

The door was half open. The lantern light fell across her face in a wide strip.

She looked at him so strangely, so strangely astonished. He felt ashamed.

- Good night ...

He heard the key clink from inside. He listened. She walked up the stairs easily and quickly.

Now he walked a little.

Suddenly he involuntarily screamed with all his might.

What was that?

Did he want to trigger his strength in human involuntary behavior?

Gorgeous! He was a wonderful donkey. Unpleasant! How awkward this is with the warm farewell!

No, how funny, how incredibly funny she had to find him.

He, the great, scornful despiser, suddenly fell in love, like a little schoolboy.

God, that was uncomfortable, and that memory too, which suddenly became so embarrassing for him.

He was then a full 13 years old when he got the first erotic impulse. He found himself great! Those deep, witty conversations he had with the girl about Schiller and Lenau. And the yellow ice cream he bought ...

There, one evening the professor had caught him at a tête-à-tête.

And the next day ... wonderful!

It rang. It was a ten o'clock break.

Everything was pushing out.

- Falk, you stay here.

Yes, now it came.

- Come here!

He went to the chair.

- Get the chair down!

He got him.

- Lie down!

He lay down.

And now the strong pipe whizzed through the air, whizzing and whistling, faster and faster, more and more painful ...

Did that hurt!

What are you laughing at, dear sir! It is a great tragedy. I have seldom suffered as emotionally as I did then ... You are utterly stupid to laugh. Don't you understand that this is life? The ridiculous next to the tragic, the gold in the kote, the ineffable sacred in the trivial - yes, you see, you don't understand that.

Hegel, the old Prussian philosopher Hegel, he was a smarter man. Do you even know Hegel? Yes, you see, his whole philosophy is only the question of why nature needs such unaesthetic means for its most glorious purposes, e.g. B. the genital organ, which is used for witnessing and secreting metabolic products.

Of course it's infinitely funny, ridiculously funny, disgustingly funny, but that's always the most sacred thing.

Falk got angry.

So let's make it clear to ourselves: love, oh yes, love: first a strangely confused face, then glowing faun eyes, further trembling in the hands, as if one telegraphed cables from miles away ... while chanting Horazi odes, now hoarse, now beeping ... Then a lot of involuntary movements: reaching and staggering back, not standing quite sure on your feet, gasping and snorting ... isn't that ridiculous? Isn't that extremely ridiculous?

And across from me Fraulein Isa sits with her amiable, knowing smile, with her strange look, and encourages me to do so.

Well, I know how to mimic. Didn't I mimic well today?

Well, because I am a so-called "differentiated" person, everything in me flows into one another, intention and real, conscious and unconscious, lies and truth, a thousand heavens and a thousand earths outweighed one another, but still I am ridiculous.

Nothing can be done about it, absolutely nothing. It is an "iron" law, one of the strictest, that the man, before he can achieve his comical purpose, must first be found a thousand times ridiculous by the woman of his love ...

He suddenly stopped.

So he felt ashamed ... Yes, yes, everything like little schoolboys. They also feel embarrassed when they fall off the horse in front of their flame.

But the woman was a stranger to him, very, very strange. He didn't know anything about her. He could not penetrate one line into the secret of this veiled smile, this knowing, amiable being.

And he had fallen in love with a strange woman he knew nothing about.

Suddenly. With a jolt. In a second.

Heda! A thousand experimental psychologists! You who know everything, you soul anatomists, you purs et secs analysts, come here, make that clear to me ...

So the fact: I fell in love with a woman in a second, for the first time.

- Because my sensual instinct should be awakened? You are wrong; he was awake a long time ago.

Because I wanted to have said something to myself? I didn't say anything to myself. My brain had nothing to do with it. I didn't have time to reflect. By the way, you are ashamed. You, who have written a Physiology of Love, such a splendid physiology, should know that gender is not reflective. It's a stupid, deaf animal. Narrow down, boorish and funny.

Incidentally, I don't really care. If you are to be 26 years old in June, you no longer ask about the causes, the why is no longer painful. You take everything as a given fact. Yes, you do.

He looked around. In the meantime he had reached a public place that he did not know.

Very nice.

He sat down on a bench, his head was a little heavy, he had probably drunk too much, but he had no rest.

Something had been working in him all evening. An unspeakably embarrassing thought that he pushed back again and again, but which worked its way up more and more energetically and now broke out with all his might.

Mikita!

Falk got up restlessly, walked around a little and sat down again.

You see, Mikita, don't blame me, I can't help it.

Why did you drag me to her? I wanted to drink wine with you and talk to you. I didn't want to go to her. You can't drag your friends to your brides.

This is the most important paragraph in the love code.

Not at all, and no matter how wonderful the brides are, like your Isa.

Well, Mikita, don't be so damn sad. That hurts me a lot. I love you infinitely.

A great tenderness overcame Falk.

I really can't help it. Just imagine. I step into the room. A wonderful red. And this red flows around a woman in hot waves, around a woman I knew so well, more like yourself, although I had never seen her.

Was it the red? You're a heck of a painter. You must know how such a red affects your soul.

Now the honorable psychologist Mr. Du Bois-Reymond comes and says: Red consists of waves that make five hundred trillion oscillations per second. The vibrations produce vibrations in the nerves, and so I vibrate.

Do you understand now why I fell in love? Because I swing!

So what! Falk got up and walked at random.

The streets were boring. Only now and then did he hear a soft, beeping woman's voice:

- Well, darling, are you coming with me?

No, he didn't want that at all. What should he do with a woman? He wasn't a Berlin novelist and didn't need the discreet petticoat mood to write novels. No, he hated all women, all of them, and most of all them, she, who crept so cunningly into him and now whipped him into this accursed unrest.

No, Mikita, you can't blame me for that. No, no ... you cannot imagine how I suffer. There is something choking in my throat; All day long ... I didn't eat anything, just drank and drank ...

Do you know what i dreamed I fell from a high mountain. I was sitting on a glacier that was pushing forward with breakneck speed; could I do something about it? Could I defend myself? The glacier carried me, the glacier was wide, it raced and raced inexorably ...

Can I put the molecules of my nerves in a different position? Can I turn off the electricity in my brain? Heh? Am I able to? Can you do it?

The glacier carries me - I fall and fall until it spits me out into the sea.

That is the iron law!

Falk almost screamed it.

Well; I'm a little drunk and it's hard to control.

No, Mikita, no; You are so infinitely dear to me. I did nothing, nothing.

Suddenly he got angry.

Didn't you irritate her, dear Falk, didn't you arouse her curiosity with a thousand tricks?

Wonderful, this sudden sense of guilt! Yes, I take my guilty conscience and shake its contents before the Almighty, who did not create me like those quadrupeds who have no understanding, but as a two-legged individual, endowed with spirit and reason, so that it can distinguish between good and evil and by virtue of the quinta essentia, namely the willpower, which calculates actions and guides them.

Yes, dear Mikita; mea maxima culpa! I have sinned against you!

On the way he saw a night cafe open.

Oh, he was so terribly tired.

He went in and sat on a sofa off to the side in a corner.

All around him he heard screaming and screeching, cursing and bargaining. He looked to see if a Berlin novelist was not making his notes. Namely a colleague from the same faculty.

Disgusting! How much is five minutes of meat per pound?

He leaned back and stared into the large white lamp of the electric light.

It flickered in his eyes. He could clearly see hot mists quivering around the white round lamps.

And faster and faster he saw the haze circling the lamps, harder and hotter.

And he felt her in his arms, her cheek leaning against his, he felt her movements slide up and down on his nerves, and he saw the world dance around him like a red sun ring.

That was the big problem.

He sat down.

The problem of his love. Isa was born of him, or he was born of her. She was the most perfect correlate to him. Her movements were so adapted to his mind that they drove him into the highest ecstasy, the sound of her voice triggered something in his soul, something in which the secret of his soul rested.

Stupid brain, how do you know that for sure?

He laughed scornfully.

But suddenly he stopped. He saw herself and her in a strange picture.

They sat across from each other with complete indifference. They looked coldly into each other's eyes, yes, they were completely indifferent to each other.

Yes, he was a demonomaniac, he saw her and himself quite transparently, and he saw how something in him and something in her stretched up, how the two subterranean selves came closer and looked at each other so questioningly and desirably.

But no! You sat at the table and were indifferent to each other and talked about stupid, meaningless things. But the other in him and the other in her were so infinitely close, they embraced one another, they melted into one another.

The other, dear Mikita, that I don't know because it suddenly appears completely unmotivated, she loved before I even noticed it.

You see, Mikita, my stupid brain can only control that something is going on, at most it can only establish an accomplished fact.

Yes, dear Mikita, it is an accomplished fact: I love her!

That I made myself interesting? That I lured them and made them aware of my depths? - Oh my God, Mikita, be sensible! The big agent has adjusted the wheels in such a way that they necessarily have to run in this and no other direction.

That you don't understand!

- Why didn't Mikita come?

Oh, madam, you know him badly! Mikita has instincts with hands that are miles long that grasp the incomprehensible: Mikita sees a tone transforming into color. He's painted chords that would drive you crazy listening to it, but the brutal eye can of course take anything. Mikita sees the grass grow and the sky screams. Mikita sees all of this - Mikita is a genius!

What am I? What have I done?

Nonsense, Falk! Are you really drunk

No, yes: I am a psychologist and at the moment I am busy preparing Mikita's soul in a very clean way.

Oh, Mikita doesn't let it be noticed, he lets the lye settle down into his deepest troughs until everything is decomposed and eaten away, then comes the break.

What's in it? Lord God a man overboard! He's not the first.

The screeching and laughing around Falk became louder and more unbearable.

He got up angrily and practically roared:

- Quiet!

Then he sat down. The damned mosquitoes that always had to bother him.

Now he was getting very restless.

He had to see Mikita. He had to see what he was doing now. Yes, he will go to him: who is there? I'm working now. - It's me, Erik Falk. - He opens it. Looks at me from the side, of course has terribly wild eyes.

What do you want?

- What I want? Well, I want to make it clear to you that I do not love, but the other. I want to make it clear to you how that came about. I sat at a table with her - very cold and indifferent, but while I was speaking the other acted on his own, tugging at her and luring her until she gave in. No! Not her; she scoffs at me and thinks I'm funny because my Andres wished a warm farewell. You see, she is alien to me, absolutely alien. But the others in the two of us, they know each other so well, they love each other so infinitely, so powerfully, so inseparably.

You almighty creator, I thank you that you have made me a two-legged being, endowed with reason and spirit, so that I can distinguish between good and evil, so that I do not desire Isa when Mikita was lucky enough to meet her first.

And there - there is the young lout sitting next to the hundred kilos of meat, he has no reason, he also cannot distinguish between good and bad.

You see, stupid lout, what are you against me? You senseless and willless subject.

Falk laughed out loud.

But now he had to leave the café because of improper behavior - he liked the expression very much.

That was just right for him.

A person of the species Homo sapiens, gentlemen, could not stand it in this foul, sweat- and meat-smelling dive bar.

It was starting to get light outside.

Above the black roofs he saw the deep blue in an unspeakable, silent, holy majesty.

The majesty of the sky over Berlin ... he laughed scornfully - that's nature ...


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