What ESFJ needs most in love

ESFJ · The host

Caring, sociable, traditional, helpful, loyal, thorough
Functions:Extroverted Feeling (Fe) - Introverted Sensing (Si) - Extroverted Intuition (Ne) - Introverted Thinking (Ti)
Temperament:Guardian
Frequency:approx. 7 percent of all men - approx. 17 percent of all women

ESFJs are lovable people who, above all, and in the best sense of the word, are interested in the people around them. They use their sensory and judgmental skills to gather specific and detailed information about others. In turn, they use this information to provide help and advice. ESFJs seek harmony and also have the gift of bringing out the best in others. You can also read other people very well and understand their points of view. The ESFJ's strong need to be liked and to create a harmonious environment makes them exceptionally good supporters. Most people enjoy the company of ESFJs because they make others feel good.

ESFJs take responsibility very seriously and are absolutely reliable. You value security and stability and have a keen eye for the details in life. They often see what is pending or has to be dealt with long before others, and they take care of it as a matter of course. They are particularly good at this and even enjoy such tasks.

ESFJs are friendly and full of energy. You need approval from others in order to feel good about yourself. They are hurt by indifference and do not understand rudeness. ESFJs like to give and derive a good part of their personal satisfaction from the well-being of others. They want to be valued for who they are and what they do for others. They are empathetic towards others and are always available with advice and help. In fact, ESFJs are so caring that at times they may or may not want to see uncomfortable truths about their loved ones.

Understanding and reading others is easy for ESFJs. They have a strong need to be liked and they seek control. They are also able to adapt their own behavior and demeanor to others so that they find them even more sympathetic.

Happiness is only real when you share it.
Jon Krakauer

The value system of ESFJs is defined externally. They usually have very precise ideas about how things should be and they don't hesitate to express these ideas. However, they test their values ​​primarily against their environment, but not so much against their own internal morals. Nevertheless, ESFJs are very moral people who, however, tend to follow the rules of their environment rather than an inner moral compass.

ESFJs fortunate enough to have been raised ethically and well are probably the friendliest and most generous people in the world who would safely share their shirt with others. These ESFJs are actually selfless in the best sense of the word. If ESFJs are exposed to a negatively influencing environment, however, they can develop very questionable ideas. But even in these situations, the ESFJ will still be completely convinced of its questionable values. The ESFJ does not have an internal compass against which to measure its ideas. However, it is not difficult for them to secure the approval of others in order to justify their questionable values. This type of ESFJ can be dangerous. On the one hand, they are good at manipulating others and getting them to their side, but on the other hand they lack the intuitive skills to correctly perceive far-reaching relationships. ESFJs tend to be very popular and are also good at manipulating people. But in contrast to their cousin, the ENFJ, they sometimes have difficulties to foresee the consequences of their behavior. Interestingly, ESFJs who manipulate others to their advantage believe that their behavior is perfectly appropriate.

All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their essence demands structure and organization. They feel comfortable in structured surroundings. They will probably not have much fun dealing with abstract theoretical concepts. They love to create order and structure and are very good at it. ESFJs should be careful not to offend anyone with their need for control.

ESFJs respect and believe in rules and laws and believe that others should, too. They are more traditional and prefer to do things the tried and tested rather than venturing into uncharted territory. Their need for security justifies their general acceptance of the prevailing system. This can also lead to them blindly following rules without questioning or understanding them.

An unfavorably socialized ESFJ can be very insecure and try to please others at all costs. He can also be very controlling or overly sensitive. Sometimes he can also interpret bad intentions into the behavior of others, although there is no reason to do so.

ESFJs combine many characteristics that are considered typically female in our society. However, as a rule, male ESFJs will not appear feminine. On the contrary, ESFJs are very aware of the prevailing role models and are happy to fulfill them. Male ESFJs will therefore appear quite masculine (although they are also sensitive to those who are aware), female ESFJs will appear feminine.

At best, ESFJs are friendly, personable, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, honest, consistent, organized, powerful, and enthusiastic. You like tradition and security and are looking for a life that is rich in contacts with family and friends.

The strengths & weaknesses of the ESFJ host
Strengthen weaknesses
  • Strong practical skills
  • Strong sense of duty
  • Very loyal
  • Sensitive and friendly
  • Good at dealing with people
  • Pay close attention to his social status
  • Inflexible
  • Resists new things and improvisation
  • Easily hurt by criticism
  • Needs praise and encouragement
  • Too selfless
  • Personality types overview

    The 16 different character types are color-coded: idealists are shown in red, rationalists in blue, guardians in green and creatives in yellow. Learn more about the different temperaments.