Why did Lavender Brown like Ronald Weasley

Ron Weasley

The following article is a satirical article. It may be that it does not contain very serious statements. But it may also be that the article is trying to convey some deep message.

Ronald "Ron" Bi-Liu Wiesel (engl. Ronald Bilius Weaschley or Rupert Grint) is a redhead, freckled big boy who, like his little friends Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, visits the home for the mentally disadvantaged, also known as Hogwarts.

As the name suggests, Ronald Bi-Lius is bisexual, i.e. he likes both girls and boys. His devotion goes especially to a deranged woman of his age, Lavender Brown, but also Hermione Granger and Harry Potter.

Ronald Bi-Lius is the second youngest child in a family which, including the parents, consists of 7 or more people and all of them visited the home for the mentally handicapped (including Hogwarts). As a result, Ronald is shabbily dressed and has only the worst of the worst as his parents are too dumb or too lazy to go to work and make enough money for their 5 or more children.

Unlike Hermione Granger, who can at least contribute a good idea now and then, Ron is completely useless. He is the whipping boy of the group and was actually only invented to deliver a few gags. For example, he was beaten up by chess pieces, bitten by dragons and made himself throw up snails.

Since he is completely unimportant and too stupid to conjure up, Harry likes to force him to appear disguised as Harry to his detention, in order to have funny things scratched in his hand or just to have not-so-funny potions from drinking funny Snape that will keep him out of the bathroom for three days. However, Ron seems to like such punishments, which suggests that he actually likes SM.

This claim is backed up by the facts that he was seen using his own wand (although he used it so often that it broke and left painful splinters), a horde of weasels (hence his nickname "weasels") and put a broom in various orifices and had himself photographed by the director Albus "Albums" Dumbledore.


  • Ron to Harry on the train: Hi, I'm Ron, do we want to be friends? ... Harry: Yeah, come on in ... Ron: Hi, I'm Ron, do we want to be friends? ... Harry: Uh, you just asked me that !! ... Ron: ohh ... I'm sorry, I'm a bit stupid sometimes.

Ron: I have a goรถmistake, because my parents were siblings!