Are undercover narcissists hypersexual

The narcissist's dangerous female "friend"

Because narcissists are hypersexual (although sexually dysfunctional), they seek stimulation through the opposite sex. The dysfunctional personality has a lot of “friends” of the opposite sex. There is a touch of sexuality that charges the relationship. These sources of stimulation are usually previous intimate relationships or people in whom the narcissist had hoped for an intimate relationship, but for whom the aspect of intimacy did not come into play. Anyway, it's all about sex for the narcissist. So he also plays a role with his "girlfriends".

Question: But if a narcissist needs sex in order to feel good, to dominate and to control others, why doesn't he have sex with the co-dependent follower who is around him?

Answer: A narcissist is sexually turned off quickly and easily. Since he never has a deep, true, pure and loving sexual relationship with his partners (but it seems so!), It doesn't take much to be bored. It can be their smell. He notices that it is too thick, that it has wrinkles or other "defects" that he exaggerates. Or she doesn't continue to feed his emotional needs, as she did in the honeymoon phase. And then he feels rejected. Everything is superficial to the narcissist. He is unable to develop a deep relationship. And so is his sex, which we mistakenly assumed was love when he showered us with tokens of love during the honeymoon phase.

One more answer: he wants to have sex with her, but she was tired of him and she is no longer sexually expecting, but she still wants him around. Many women intuitively feel it very strongly and notice when they are dealing with certain aspects of their personality or when they are sleeping with the evil and someone is harming them. Women cannot get involved sexually with someone who does not make them feel safe. The first clue to be unsure is that they are learning that he is a chronic liar.

If the sexual level ends (or does not develop) with one of a narcissist's female contacts, he puts it in "friend" mode. A narcissist is obsessed with being a good guy, the great, the sublime ... So he doesn't want a woman to be mad about him or mad at him. (Sociopaths are different: his former wives despise him so much that the sociopath has no choice but to finally try to destroy and vilify them because they hate him so intensely.) The narcissist draws them into his herd as " Girlfriend". It's easy for him because she's weakened, broken and confused by his games, tricks, manipulations, lies about lies, and the financial chaos that she suffered from. She submits to be his "girlfriend" just enough so that she still benefits a little from his male safety net in life.

These women are now his co-dependent followers, whom he calls "girlfriends". What is particularly strange is that he has a lot of "girlfriends". True friendship relationships are rare, but the narcissist still has these "girlfriends" who are slumbering everywhere! These “friends” are usually uneducated and not very chic, have limited skills and job opportunities, and are constantly in crisis.

Actually, narcissists have no concept of friendship and use the word "friend" superficially only to refer to someone shining on, admiring and cherishing their dead soul. (This "appearance" comes about because the narcissist endures someone or does a favor.)

Because of the personal problems of the fellow traveler "friend", she cannot find or hold her own intimate partner and thus uses the narcissist as a handyman / handyman or as a lunch companion, coffee and drinking companion. Had she found a true, supportive, intimate partner, she would have no use from him - nor would a new partner tolerate her hanging out with such a creep.

Only we, the narcissist's new, intimate partner, tolerate these so-called "friends" who hang around everywhere. Narcissists make us tolerate anything that does harm. We tolerate the intolerable. We are "insecure, wrong, insane, and confused because we come from a dysfunctional family."

The narcissist's enabler "friend" is not doing what she should be doing in her own life and is using the narcissist to escape from her miserable existence; in the process it provides the narcissist emotionally and feeds his ego. She can be uneducated, but she is sociable and knows how to please the narcissist so that he feels comfortable: "You are my hero, thank you for the help and for your loyal existence", "You are my rock", " I build on your great advice ”, ect.

In return, he feels like the “superman” with her. He always needs to feel like a “superman”. He even tends to sabotage his relationship with the newest, intimate partner. So he already reaches for the "girlfriend" as an assurance that he is the greatest, the superman.

So he doesn't have to worry about the scary and insecure environment he created for the new intimate partner. He can flee to the smoldering environment of the "girlfriend".

His "girlfriends" lurk everywhere, and they destroy the new intimate partner. This co-dependent female escort “friend” is sweet, innocent, and supportive of his new relationship. She has to in order to give him what she needs for her needs. He sneaks around behind the back of the new intimate partner so that he can still invite the "friend" to coffee and dinner and to please her. He needs her in the background for his ego support.

In the meantime, the narcissist complains to the newest intimate partner about his poor financial situation and the intimate partner sacrifices herself for him - for both: She orders the cheapest coffee and has the smallest meal. She buys vegetables and cooks for him, anything to save money; she really loves him and takes care of him. In the meantime he freely spends money on his "girlfriend". (This article focuses on the narcissist's co-dependent follower “girlfriend”, but they also have a lot of co-dependent, follow-up, male “friends”.)

He needs to always look like he's the good, generous guy. The narcissist would have no “friends”, female or male, if he didn't pay every bill. Meanwhile, the intimate partner is out of the game (especially after the love-bombing and honeymoon phase) because he is always “fragile.” Essentially, he pays, settles bills and does a favor to have “friends”.

People in need use narcissists because they know they are deeply insecure and desperately want to be liked.

The narcissist is always "busy" somehow. He never basically completes anything and never works towards a goal. He's always out with “friends”, eating, drinking coffee and sipping drinks, and he's always bored. He's empty inside. He needs these constant outward appearances. His damaged ego needs the stimulation to be the big guy who pays the bills. The intimate partner is conditioned not to ask any questions during this time because he is just such a “busy and important man”, and she sets herself apart. A narcissist does not have the ability to concentrate on the admiration of an intimate partner for a long time. He sees needs as superficial attention and lives from the admiration of a dispersed crowd of random people.

The intimate partner may just ask when he last saw the "girlfriend". He will lie and gamble down the enormous amount of time, attention, energy and money he spends on the "girlfriend". If the intimate partner cornered him with this, he will accuse her: “I couldn't tell you anything because you would have gone crazy ... hurt! We're just good friends. You are crazy."

The "girlfriend" has no respect for the narcissist who still spends time and money even though he has a new relationship. If she were a true friend or an honest woman, she would settle the bill herself and make sure that the new intimate partner is invited and is present at every meal. On the other hand, she pretends to meet his new intimate partner, but somehow it never comes to that.

And the narcissist knows that if his intimate partner would meet the “girlfriend” it would dampen the “superman admiration” that this co-dependent follower shows him. He must pay a certain amount of intense attention to the latter, so that he receives their admiring glow. The intimate partner would bring the "girlfriend" down to earth.

Question: Why does he invest so much time, energy and money in this "girlfriend" even though he does not have sex?

Answer: Because he's already having sex with you! The "girlfriend" is the emotional support when he has been frustrated by the new intimate partner. He tells her half the story of what he did to demolish his intimate partner, and she tells him: "Great the way you are.", "You deserve better", "She is not good for you", ect.


He tried to have sex with her if she hadn't averted him, but she's playing the “I'm hard to come by” game and that stimulates and motivates him to keep lying in wait, invest more, and please to be, and she knows it!

He has nothing to negotiate and do well with what he did to his intimate partner: He now has the "girlfriend" who can hang around all the time, not only to not only have his own thoughts on the last terrible things he did to his intimate partner escape, but the "girlfriend" even entertains him in his persistent boredom. Narcissists cannot be alone and reflect on what they did to others. So they return to the continuous company of their "friend". And the "girlfriend" is happy about the full attention. It's a win-win situation. The narcissist is the cool guy again after breaking everything. The girlfriend"approved him, - and then she gets lunch, coffee, a drink and other favors again.

Dear "friend" of the narcissist

1. If he's so great, why aren't you his love partner? Great “friends” make the best intimate partner.

2. Maybe he can settle the bill a couple of times: I just wonder how long you want to keep doing this?

3. If he didn't do these little favors, would you still want him around?

4. Don't you think that there is "another side of the story" where he hurts and destroys his intimate partner?

5. Don't you find it strange that he can hardly stand an intimate partnership for long? Every single woman is bad and he's the great. Is that so?


They keep the narcissist strong so that the narcissist does not have to be held accountable for destroying innocent lives. The "girlfriend" has no problem taking money, time and energy. The intimate partner remains confused and stressed because he always seems busy and absent-minded. We don't have DEFENSE. He calls his "best friend" defiant and stubborn, and we mutate into the "insecure, jealous lunatic". The co-dependent "girlfriend" reinforces this!

The female co-dependent "girlfriend" is a dangerous wedge in our relationship and the new intimate partner will not survive the lies and deceit that the narcissist weaves to feed his dangerous nature in life.

The narcissist cannot survive without “girlfriends”. After he has destroyed you, he will try to make a "friend" out of you too. (Unless he's a sociopath or a psychopath!). Remaining his “friend” has a beneficial effect when he achieves the next goal: “I'm a“ good friend ”with all of my exes. Really, if he's such a great“ friend ”of so many women, why keep his intimate Relationships then not forever?

The "girlfriend" will always come first and he will tell his intimate girlfriend lies about lies in order to keep a co-narcissistic "girlfriend". Why? Because he is unable to develop a real, loving relationship but instead seeks obsessive ego stimulation and shallow relationships tootried to optimize.

Intimate relationships are too demanding in terms of trustworthiness, reliability, and accountability. Narcissists are not trustworthy, reliable and responsible! He will always sabotage intimate relationships and he needs "girlfriends" to hang around him so that he has an instant and secure web of support to save himself to where he can offer a "friend" in return, from one to escape miserable life.

The “fellow traveler friend” considers him unpredictable because of his inconsistent and scattered life and the stories that he tells and that make no sense. Only the intimate partner considers him predictable. But it can never be considered predictable.

He's a narcissist and he demands what he wants to do whenever he wants and the people he hurts and crushes better not say anything.

He is never predictable ... he does not develop anything ... he never has a true and long love ... but he has co-dependent "girlfriends" (some male, co-dependent "friends" too) who hang around and wait for the breakup of his last, intimate ones Waiting for a relationship so that they are freed from the drama, do a favor full-time and pay bills ... And so he's bought rid of the damage he caused in the last intimate relationship.

Be careful if someone claims they have a lot of friends of the opposite sex.

A true female / male friendship in which one does not benefit and does not expect sexual intimacy is extremely rare.

Lynna Kivela - Author of “My Sociopath”

Translated from English by Emma Kober

Originally published on Facebook, “My Sociopath,” January 23, 2015, Visit me on Twitter and Facebook,Low Introductory-Rate on Consultation Services for Relationship-Abuse or Other Personal Issues. Email: [email protected] for more information

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