Is the ego present in love

Learn to deal with your ego

Last update: April 11, 2017

Our ego has the ability to influence us in all of the decisions we make and in the deeds that seal our fate. We can even become slaves to our own ego without even realizing it.

Learning to deal with our ego is an essential part of determining how it affects us and how easy it is to let it control us.

What is the job of our ego?

Knowing what function the ego has in our life helps us to recognize it and to deal with it responsibly.

Each of us has an ego. It shows who we are and our identity with which we appear in front of others and in front of us. All of our experiences and learning processes, all of our fears and suffering hide behind it.

With the help of our ego, we defend ourselves against everything that once caused us pain, fear and anger: humiliation, resentment, disregard, abuse - all of this has made our ego what it is today.

Our ego is always present as it tries ceaselessly to hide our weaknesses, to radiate strength to the outside world and to maintain emotional distance.

It represents our most infantile behavior, that didn't learn from mistakes that got stuck in the past. It “protects us” when we have new experiences, in intimate situations, when trying to get closer, when it comes to promises and love.

How does it hinder us in everyday life?

Unless we become aware that our ego can gain the upper hand and influence our behaviors, resentment, vanity, violence, possessive and hurtful behavior appear to be perfectly normal.

Our ego is the real reason we feel suffering because it is we who keep strengthening it and empowering it to rule our lives.

If we don't take responsibility for our ego, we only act automatically, without thinking about possible consequences for our actions. We move away from our true essence, our humanity, because our ego grows immeasurably.

We can then no longer help but become unhappy and suffer. Because this is exactly what the ego feeds on - the misery, the torture to which our well-being is exposed and our possibilities to find our happiness.

The ego makes us feel guilty for realizing what we need and want. At some point we even feel guilty because we cannot love unconditionally.

It is our inner judge who is both the most honest and the most unjust. We seek power struggles in love, we go for competitions, we think selfishly and we distrust others. Our ego makes us passive players in our lives and over time we take on the role of victim.

Then when we feel like victims, we think that everything that happens to us is caused by outside influences.

The cause of our discomfort must have been generated by external circumstances and not by ourselves. Thus, we refrain from taking responsibility for everything that happens in our lives, and we blame others for it. They are what make us suffer and who make us feel bad.

How can we reduce our ego?

In order for us to act independently in our lives and to become aware of our personal development, we do not have to free ourselves from our ego or get rid of it. Because the ego is part of everyone and we cannot run away from it.

But we can work on it personally by reducing its impact on our lives and most importantly, when our ego dominates our thoughts and actions.

If we know when our ego gets too much power, we can tame it too and determine our own behavior in certain situations. So we can break away from the victim role that causes us suffering.

When we manage to manage our ego, we free ourselves from behaviors that make us feel bad:

  • Always wanting to be right.
  • The feeling of always feeling attacked because we believe that others are attacking us all the time.
  • Always having to show a success.
  • Always be better than the rest.
  • Identifying ourselves with our successes, which determines our personal worth.
  • The desire to own everything and everyone and always want more.

When we become aware of our ego, we have arrived in the here and now without hiding from it or forgetting that it is there. We need to love ourselves for who we are and not what we have achieved.